Lists Press

Let’s face it. The book of weirdness is really stupid sometimes. Present are some routes in it that make me hoot out flamboyantly, and sorts me wonder, “Who the hell writes this shit?” I guess the dude who wrote it, had turkey’s poop for brains, so as the wise man said, with great madness comes a revolution, I think he was right, so let’s drop in on him and give you some gagging of our own. We didn’t know what eBay was doing around the corner, let’s find out.

10. A Fart Machine- Improved Technology

All you have to do is thrust the remote button and listen to fifteen diverse fart sounds from up to 100 feet. This remarkable tool, does wonders, imagine being in a public loo station for 6 hours and you had to listen to a woman speak from the other end, who had pork chops for breakfast. Not just this, it can totally substitute for the high pitch eggy farts out there, a specialty of fat morning buffs who literally spell “the egg” with their renal ends. So why not humiliate your boss and your ex with this thing. It’s only for 14 dollars so you can have one for every foe.

9. Boob tube- A control

This gadget is every adolescent’s dream; you will be able to do all things unimaginable with this plastic toy. It has the power to control not just your dreams but also your TV, VCR and a cable Box as well (so much extra POWER). And like in nature, all the goodies are always retained hidden; this toy also tempts you to unlock those corners at your will. All you have to do is, flip the sexy bra for channel changing, the right tit for bringing you TV set down and the left nipple to bring it up. Also you have to undress her completely to get the numbers you want and to program your appliance deeply. Last but not the least; you can remover her butt fat to put the AA size batteries in for her to work. Just don’t let your dad catch you holding it. Available for $19.50

8. Leather Paddle

No this isn’t a canoe shaft, or a kitchen artifact; walk into any insane sex asylum and you will find this littered under beds and couches. Yes, you spank your lover with it, yes you spank her fat with it and yes you let her spank YOU with it too, what a magnificent multipurpose tool. In the academic world you use it to spank your worst student in class for not doing her math homework. It’s high tension absorbing leather so you don’t have to worry about what color it leaves the skin when beaten repeatedly. It practically spells “SPANK ME”. Comes at $2.99

7. Obama Toilet Fun

HAHAHA I repeat HAHAHA, I just can’t stop pouring gag spit when I am in my personal lavatory. Obama clogged the elections, now you can have him clog your buttocks too. This roll sure will bring anybody on the brink of pooping all over your toilet seat when he/she reaches for the toilet paper. Give it to your friends and spread the laughter; after all, laughing while in the can is a great medicine. Available for $6.44

6. Kangaroo’s Scrotum-Leather Coin Pouch

Have you ever felt your taught scrotum? It’s no shame feeling around your own bends, its natural, so go on and feel it. This pouch is made of kangaroo’s full grown scrotum look alike, a real must have if you are a fan of your own ball sack. This mean you can feel your scrotum even in public, just bring it out of your pocket and feel it loaded with pennies. That’s all, so neat and real. Sells for US $15

5. LED Water Faucet Tap Lights

Totally useless and weird ones to go with your taps around the house, doesn’t make any sense having them around, I mean this sounds like some murky cyborg liquid gel pouring out when you have to clean yourself each day. So when you want to go blue, install the blue ones, and so on if you want to have a colorful shower. Utterly futile to spend your buck on, no wonder it has zero bids yet (makes some sense now).

4. Sex Seat

Fully adjustable for all the mind-boggling ways you can achieve with this useful device, I mean it’s like have a third guy interrupting your romantic moments. Having sex like this was never easier before this, now you can totally fold it back and hide it under your bed, sofa or even in your car. It’s a chair of your dreams, a portal to your orgasms and yeah we forgot; it feels so real when you get the hang of it. It’s for those who are willing to pay the price for their sex lessons. Kama sutra fails at this point. Comes for hefty US $80

3. Naked Man’s coin

Holy shit, this was the actual Italian currency in 1977! What on earth it’s doing on eBay? Imagine the fun you can have with this at work and at a bank, just asks the teller “hey man we aren’t in the 90’s, what the fuck”, he will be shocked for sure. Selling for $3.99

2. Boob Party Balls

Okay now you can have your favorite boob toss you wanted since you saw your eight grade teacher reaching for her drawer. This item is built for bachelor parties, gag parties, spring break parties and other creative uses you can think of. Take it with you to work and its instant satisfaction! The liquid in it is an absolute duplication of the real boob filling. So when someone yells “Show me your boobs”, you can have yours ready! Available for $9 only

1. Fake Pregnancy

You may hear this one day “Honey, we didn’t have any sex yet, how did I get pregnant! What the fuck?” or you may shock your boss one day “oh sir, what did you do to me, YOU have impregnated me? What the fuck!” This is a home pregnancy test that’s always positive so you may hold your guy at ransom, he will stick with you forever, and for the boss, you might as well get a raise. It’s a hilarious prank and will get your guy seating like a pig. So go get one, it’s for $7.89